Ethan, a professional man, was angry and calling his wife all sorts of names when he came to us. "She's having an affair with a guy she met at a roller skating rink. I just found out." Then he burst into tears. "What can I do? I love her. I want to save my marriage." He swallowed hard. "I don't understand. I've always been a good husband."
But he hadn't been a good husband - not really. At least, not in her opinion. When I had the chance to talk with her she told me, "I put up with him as long as I could. I needed someone who would love me the way I needed." Although they blamed each other, both were at fault; but in her disillusionment she started looking elsewhere outside her marriage and "fell in love" with the first guy who gave her attention. She began a love affair with him. That didn't last, so she was off looking for another guy. Meanwhile their children floundered.
People have more reasons to justify their forays into adultery than a centipede has legs. Fortunately, physical adultery still shocks people - and especially if the faithless are famous, like Tiger Woods, or Jesse James, the husband of Sandra Bullock. At this time, it doesn't look like either one is going to be able to save his marriage. Having sex with someone other than your own spouse can smash trust, destroy your marriage and damage your children.
Having an affair emotionally or mentally can be adultery as well. A person can have sex mentally with someone else and no one is the wiser unless the porn or email correspondence that reveals their indulgence is discovered. Emotional disloyalty, by choosing someone other than your spouse as your closest confidant and friend, when there are romantic undertones, chips away at married closeness and can escalate into physical betrayal.
V:3 When trust is lost, the marriage will follow. It is at that point in time that the one who cheated sometimes realizes just how much he/she has sacrificed, and there is a desire to make things better. Can it be done? Absolutely. Will it be easy? You already know the answer to that. But with the right information, it is a lot easier than most think.
Some of the biggest problems arise when the one who has had the affair is sorry, swears he/she will never do it again and then expects the offended one to forgive and forget and let the marriage go back to the way it was immediately. Forgiveness is only the first part of the process. It takes time and some very specific actions on the part of the offender. Second, though the one who has cheated often just wants things to go back to normal - they really DON'T want that. That NORMAL was what got them into trouble in the first place. What they want is a better, stronger, happier marriage. They just don't know how to get it. The good news is that things can improve. Time after time, we have seen couples who have experienced adultery go through the rebuilding process, follow the steps that they need to follow, and find that they didn't just save their marriages, they made them much better than before.
Fortunately, it can be done. Time after time, we have seen couples who have experienced adultery go through the rebuilding process, follow the steps that they need to follow, and find that they didn't just save their marriages, they made them much better than before.
It is important to be clear. It is not right to have an affair any way shape or form. It causes incredible pain and suffering to everyone involved and makes the process of crafting a better marriage much harder. If you are in a difficult union, it is far easier to start right now, using clearly defined steps, like those we at Love Relationship Headquarters have laid out, to make the marriage you have dynamic and exciting. You can prevent the pain of cheating and improve your relationship. Find us and all the steps you need, whether you have gone through the frustration of adultery or not at www.loverelationshipheadquarters.com.
You ask us, "Can you save my marriage?" We would ask you to look in the mirror and ask, "Can WE save this marriage?" We can help, yes, but the actual process takes two - you and your spouse.
Margaret Hardisty International Best Selling Author and Speaker Dr. Vance Hardisty International Speaker and Author Love Relationship Headquarters www.loverelationshipheadquarters.com
But he hadn't been a good husband - not really. At least, not in her opinion. When I had the chance to talk with her she told me, "I put up with him as long as I could. I needed someone who would love me the way I needed." Although they blamed each other, both were at fault; but in her disillusionment she started looking elsewhere outside her marriage and "fell in love" with the first guy who gave her attention. She began a love affair with him. That didn't last, so she was off looking for another guy. Meanwhile their children floundered.
People have more reasons to justify their forays into adultery than a centipede has legs. Fortunately, physical adultery still shocks people - and especially if the faithless are famous, like Tiger Woods, or Jesse James, the husband of Sandra Bullock. At this time, it doesn't look like either one is going to be able to save his marriage. Having sex with someone other than your own spouse can smash trust, destroy your marriage and damage your children.
Having an affair emotionally or mentally can be adultery as well. A person can have sex mentally with someone else and no one is the wiser unless the porn or email correspondence that reveals their indulgence is discovered. Emotional disloyalty, by choosing someone other than your spouse as your closest confidant and friend, when there are romantic undertones, chips away at married closeness and can escalate into physical betrayal.
V:3 When trust is lost, the marriage will follow. It is at that point in time that the one who cheated sometimes realizes just how much he/she has sacrificed, and there is a desire to make things better. Can it be done? Absolutely. Will it be easy? You already know the answer to that. But with the right information, it is a lot easier than most think.
Some of the biggest problems arise when the one who has had the affair is sorry, swears he/she will never do it again and then expects the offended one to forgive and forget and let the marriage go back to the way it was immediately. Forgiveness is only the first part of the process. It takes time and some very specific actions on the part of the offender. Second, though the one who has cheated often just wants things to go back to normal - they really DON'T want that. That NORMAL was what got them into trouble in the first place. What they want is a better, stronger, happier marriage. They just don't know how to get it. The good news is that things can improve. Time after time, we have seen couples who have experienced adultery go through the rebuilding process, follow the steps that they need to follow, and find that they didn't just save their marriages, they made them much better than before.
Fortunately, it can be done. Time after time, we have seen couples who have experienced adultery go through the rebuilding process, follow the steps that they need to follow, and find that they didn't just save their marriages, they made them much better than before.
It is important to be clear. It is not right to have an affair any way shape or form. It causes incredible pain and suffering to everyone involved and makes the process of crafting a better marriage much harder. If you are in a difficult union, it is far easier to start right now, using clearly defined steps, like those we at Love Relationship Headquarters have laid out, to make the marriage you have dynamic and exciting. You can prevent the pain of cheating and improve your relationship. Find us and all the steps you need, whether you have gone through the frustration of adultery or not at www.loverelationshipheadquarters.com.
You ask us, "Can you save my marriage?" We would ask you to look in the mirror and ask, "Can WE save this marriage?" We can help, yes, but the actual process takes two - you and your spouse.
Margaret Hardisty International Best Selling Author and Speaker Dr. Vance Hardisty International Speaker and Author Love Relationship Headquarters www.loverelationshipheadquarters.com
About the Author:
All marriages are worth saving, no matter what your marriage problems are Saving your marriage is what we do best , and get separate help for men
No comments:
Post a Comment